Give Me Money

I’ve been active in online fandoms for a frighteningly long time and it’s occurred to me that other people seem to be making a good living by fleecing their friends with barely credible scams and sob stories. Thought it was long past time that I gave it a try. 🙂

My sob story in bullet points…

• All my sock puppets have been attacked by the – previously thought only to be legendary – gull winged cyber moths and need darning by professional virgins in the mountains of Tibet.

• My flesh eating plants have eaten my cats

• My great aunt Ephemera needs money to finance her gambling addiction or she’ll have to start sacrificing maggots to the God of the Underworld again

• I’ve had an idea to create my own version of Firefly using brown mice for the good guys and white ones for the bad guys. (it’s deliberately subversive) I may still need to hire Mark Sheppard because, after a little thought – an actual badger might scare the mice. Do badger’s eat mice? Mark Sheppard doesn’t eat mice, does he?!!

• I need to fund a campaign to get Joss Whedon made into an official flavour of Walker’s crisps.

• Someone robbed my house and stole all my vibrators

• My job has been outsourced to a Swedish albatross called Trevor (bastard knows how to use Silverlight)

• My boyfriend’s been turned into a frog by an evil queen (who hates me because she HATES FREEDOM DAMMIT!) and even french kissing isn’t turning him back… and omg I’ve tried!